Laugh Out Loud: 50 Hilarious Status Updates for Social Media

Laugh Out Loud: 50 Hilarious Status Updates for Social Media

1. Just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
2. I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
3. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
4. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
5. I'm not clumsy, I'm just testing gravity.
6. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off in the first place?
7. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
8. I put the "pro" in procrastinate.
9. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
10. I'm not lazy, I'm on standby mode.
11. I'm not a morning person. I'm not an afternoon person. I'm barely an evening person.
12. My bed and I have a special relationship. We're always happy to see each other at the end of the day.
13. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
14. I'm not short, I'm just concentrated awesome.
15. I'm not addicted to coffee, we're just in a committed relationship.
16. My life feels like a test I didn't study for.
17. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm correct.
18. I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.
19. I'm not fat, I'm just easier to see.
20. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
21. I'm not weird, I'm limited edition.
22. I finally found the cure for insomnia – sleep at work.
23. I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.
24. I'm not lazy, I'm in energy-saving mode.
25. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
26. My level of sarcasm is directly related to your level of stupidity.
27. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.
28. I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.
29. I'm not short, I'm fun-sized.
30. I don't need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
31. My doctor told me to start taking my age seriously. So, I bought a clown nose and started acting my shoe size.
32. I'm not clumsy, the floor just needed a hug.
33. My life is like a romantic comedy, minus the romance and just me laughing at my own jokes.
34. I'm not addicted to chocolate, I'm just committed to it.
35. I'm not antisocial, I'm selectively social.
36. I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
37. I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy for future awesomeness.
38. I'm not ignoring you, I'm just prioritizing my snacks.
39. I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.
40. I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy-saving mode.
41. I'm not short, I'm just vertically challenged.
42. I'm not lazy, I'm just highly efficient at doing nothing.
43. I'm not clumsy, I'm just practicing my dance moves.
44. I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
45. I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy for future awesomeness.
46. I'm not lazy, I'm just highly efficient at doing nothing.
47. I'm not lazy, I'm just on my energy-saving mode.
48. I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy for future awesomeness.
49. I'm not short, I'm just vertically challenged.
50. I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated to do nothing.